C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
