if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
