Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
