if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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