I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
