one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
