I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Someone shit on the floor
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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