She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
