when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
