woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
