I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
