dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
