Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
