do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
