the day after is always just damage control
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
