Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
