Pants 0. Shit 1.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
