he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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