I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
