we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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