how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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