cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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