Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
