There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
