I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
