I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
