I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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