Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(613): View more from Ontario

You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..

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(443): View more from Maryland

We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....

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(502): View more from Kentucky

so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.

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(231): View more from Michigan

You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."

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(815): View more from Illinois

We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.

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(309): View more from Illinois

I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.

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