i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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