Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
