Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize