This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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