I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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