i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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