I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize