do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
