please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
