Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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