my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
