It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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