Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
