yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize