Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
