This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
