he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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