He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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