Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
