So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
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I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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