Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
In America we eat man semen.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
