Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
