oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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