Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
