I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
