I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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