Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
