You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
