Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
