Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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