Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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