Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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