The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
