3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
