so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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