u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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